The Kids Are Alright

The Kids Are Alright

Not only is Thanksgiving just around the corner so is Ava turning 3 months old. She’s been in this habit for the past week where she wakes up for his middle of the night change and feeding and then doesn’t sleep until 2-4am. This is not good for many reasons.

1) She then sleeps for 12 hours and her entire day is gone or she’ll wake up a few hours later take her morning nap and then sleep all after noon into the early evening. So this becomes hard to manage because I try to anticipate when she’ll wake to play with her and whatnot, but she’s not having it.

2) This becomes Ava play time. Why sleep when she can play mommy?  No she doesn’t want to play during the day when the sun is out, she’s a nocturnal beast.

3) This is the worst, I have to start getting ready to go back to work and my day starts at 6am. Thankfully my husband has changed his hours to where he is working at 7am instead of 3am. This has already been working out much better.

I originally wasn’t going back to work until the beginning of the year. Due to our financial state we can’t afford for me to wait that long. It was also more of my choice because I don’t like how tight things are money wise and I have to start paying these medical bills somehow. So anyways now that I’ve complained about my money situation blah blah blah moving on.

Ava is apparently like me as a baby, always has to fight sleep. So here comes when I have to teach her to sleep on her own, but most importantly it’s not Ava chooses when she sleeps. It is the hardest thing. Hearing her cry makes me insane I just want to hold her and stay with her, but I know she needs to be on this schedule otherwise I will never sleep and I will go insane. Some questions I get asked:

Why don’t you sleep when she sleeps?

Okay fair enough I do try, in fact today I took a nap for a couple of hours while she slept.  It during the day I have things to do: laundry, bills, dishes, cleaning up in general, etc. Besides my work schedule is 6-2:30 so I really can’t take a nap until AFTER 2:30. Thank God I work from home which makes things easier.

Why don’t you just let her sleep she’ll change her schedule eventually?

Eventually is now. I can’t have her awake all night, she’s proven that she can sleep for 7-12 hours at one time I just need her to adjust that to the night time. Like if she slept at 8 and slept that long I’d be fine.

Why don’t you wake her up and try to keep her up then?

Fuck that. My child is so me it’s like “you want me awake?! FINE I’LL SCREAM THE WHOLE TIME!!” Its best to let her sleep, and the pediatrician told me the same thing, to let her sleep and eat as much as she wants because she’s a baby.

Why not cosleep with her, make it easy in yourself?

I coslept with her for about 2 weeks after she was born. My husband would leave for work and she’d wake up for a feeding and I’d just let her sleep with me. The reason I don’t like doing that is I’m so terrified of crushing her. Also she sleeps just fine in her bassinet so I don’t feel like she needs me there. Also, I don’t see an issue with the whole crying it out thing.

So I have tasked myself to start forcing her to realize that she sleeps when it’s time to sleep. I have to stay strong and stay firm with her. My parents told me that when I started to just cry it out it took me 2 1/2 hours to finally stop. So I’m ready for a long night. I don’t know how other parents do it, I think we all just hope what we’re doing is the best and go from there. So if you have a different approach that worked then awesome, I’m going to try this way.

My favorite piece of advice I got my from my sister was. “It’s your baby. If you want to cosleep with her or have her cry it out it’s up to you. Just don’t wake her up while she’s sleeping unless you absolutely have to.”

It Means No Worries

It Means No Worries

Baby Ava is 5 (nearly 6) weeks old. I can officially say that this is the hardest thing I’ve ever been through in my life. I’ve finally hit the point where I’ve stopped crying the nights that she doesn’t sleep. I’m slowly learning different things she needs/prefers it’s crazy. It truly makes me wonder what kind of personality she will have. I will say this little girl still brings a smile to my face and makes me glad we decided to start having kids.

We for sure want more kids, but not for another couple of years. I look at Ava and know that she needs a sibling…or 3. Hahaha! The first few weeks with Ava were difficult for Zach and me. We definitely our share of fights and just getting irritated with each other. After talking it out amongst ourselves and seeking advice from parents we moved past it. I know it’s not the end of the fights that come up while raising a child, but I feel much better. 

I will say that I have a whole new level of respect for single parents and parents in general. I can’t imagine how someone raises children on their own, again I will say they are the real heroes of the world. And parents all the heartbreak that comes with having a child. I’m not there yet, but I look back at my childhood and realize I didn’t make things easy for my parents. I’m thankful for their strictness and I hope I’m half the parent my mother is. Well now I’m off to get this baby to bed since she’s a stubborn one. 

Here’s to the Nights We Slept

Here’s to the Nights We Slept

Ava is officially 2 weeks old…and I now see how having a baby can cause strain on a relationship. The lack of sleep alone could cause all kinds of problems. 

It has been a definite struggle keeping up with Ava’s ever changing schedule. Zach and I have had our first fight which was due to lack of sleep and a crying baby. We talked through it though and I think that things are just harder than we anticipated. Zach has been working 12 hour shifts since he started back at work this week which means we don’t really see him. I was also used to the tag team of things in the middle of the night, I can no longer expect that. So we have to compromise. 

Mommy (me) is working to stay on the baby’s schedule. Daddy (Zach) is working to try and work out time to be with us and get adequate sleep. I’m sure someone is asking “what about his days off?” Zach’s job is VERY VERY busy right now which is great for the paycheck, bad for the relationship. 

He often works great 10-20 days straight until he gets a day off. He never says no to the overtime, because we need it (who doesn’t these days?). When it gets too much I do tell him to take a day off, but only when I see that he’s practically a zombie going through the motions. I’m beyond thankful and proud of him because up until this week he was working and going to school full time; at one point he was working 2 jobs and going to school full time. Unfortunately due to some unforeseen circumstances, Zach is no longer going to school. It’s okay though, we roll with the punches and I truly believe everything happens for a reason.

I know it’s tough and Zach does too, but at the end of each day we manage to make it to bed with a smile. Every time the baby cries at night, at first it’s a little overwhelming because we just want to sleep, but the second we see her it all seems to melt away. I don’t know, and more importantly I don’t want to know, how people beat/kill their babies. I don’t understand what happens in their mind that makes them snap. I’m just thankful that it’s not like that with us. For sure we want to have more kids, but not right now. At least that’s how I’m feeling while I’m healing still.

False Alarm

False Alarm

Yesterday I had my first actual scare of this pregnancy. I’ve been very fortunate to not have nausea, spotting, terrible pains, morning sickness, none of the typical movie/book pregnancy symptoms you see or read about. Overall this pregnancy has been easy breezy and has kept me in a constant state of peace. Let’s go back to yesterday.

I noticed some weird bleeding after using the bathroom and I called my doctor. At first I wasn’t worried, my mom said she had had the same kind of thing, but again due to everything being just fantastic I started to worry. What kept me calm was the fact that my baby had been very active yesterday. I called my doctor, and his office assistant answered. I explained to her what was going on. I said “is that normal?” Her repsonse? “No that’s not normal you need to go to the hospital.” My doctor’s office is only open Mon-Thurs, he’s a very very busy OBGYN, but he’s great so I can’t complain. So I called my dad who was at work and he took me to the hospital.

At the hospital I was asked I think 2-3 times, again in front of my father, when was the last time you had sex? Now I’m 25, I live with my parents, I’m pregnant, and my parents are I are pretty damn close. Why is this question so awkward to me? I don’t know. Maybe I just feel uncomfortable with my father knowing when the last time my husband and I had sex in his house. My dad’s response “Drea, you’re pregnant. I know you’re a slut.” Gotta love my dad. I know someone is going to read that and read too much into it, trust me this was all said in jest. It turns out, nothing was wrong. Everything was fine. The baby’s monitor was great, my vitals were all fine. I will tell you my doctor was pissed.

My sister and I have the same doctor. He did one of her surgeries and when she called the office with questions post surgery she was told it was all normal. She went for her post surgery check up…she had an infection. Our doctor was so pissed, he excused himself from her room and went out to yell at the office employees. He said to me “do not seek medical advice from the office staff. You have them call me.” The good news is everything is okay.

We’re 6 and a half months into this pregnancy and I just find myself truly happy every day. I’m glad everything is running smoothly and everything’s normal. Can’t wait to see what other adventures this journey holds!

Dear Daughter

Dear Daughter

Every day I wake up feeling absolutely astounding! Being pregnant has been one of the greatest experiences of my life. I almost don’t have words to describe it. As I’ve said time and time again it’s like falling in love all over again, but different. I guess different because I realize that this person that’s cooking away in my belly is mine & Zach’s responsibility and a product of the love we share between each other. I’ve decided on this beautiful soothing rainy day to let my daughter know a few things. Things I knew and was told growing up and it helped.

  • You are wanted and loved.

Ava, please always know that you are wanted and that we love you. We have wanted you in our lives since we fell in love. You have been loved since the moment I found out I was pregnant. We are beyond excited to bring you into this world and show you everything and we will love you good and bad no matter what.

  • If Dad and I fight, it is NEVER your fault.

Marriage is hard. People fight. It is normal. If you do something wrong and you hear or see Dad and I arguing later, it is not your fault. There is something else that we’re really upset about and it’s never you. You will test our patience and break our hearts, but we will never fight because of you.

  • Be a good person and do the right thing.

If you’re gay, straight, trans, a CEO of a company, fast food worker, ditch digger, teacher, tall, short, fat, skinny, I don’t care. None of that matters to me. Be a good person. That is most important. Everything else doesn’t matter beause being a good person and doing the right thing is never wrong. I don’t care what the world thinks or says about you. You are loved unconditionally by your family especially your father and I. All we want in this life is for you to be happy. Even in my darkest days I knew that I had to be a good person and ALWAYS  do the right thing no matter how much it sucks.

You will learn that people suck some times. That life is hard and people will hurt you. You cannot let them take away the good in you. You are better than that. You cannot let them turn you cold. I know it’ll be hard, trust me I know. Even if it’s a family member who hurts you forgive them, even when they don’t apologize..which will hurt the most, forgiving them is the best thing you can do. Not for them, for yourself…because it is the right thing to do. You have to worry about how you sleep at night, not them.

I can’t wait to meet you little girl. I hope and pray that you’re a happy healthy baby when you arrive. I promise I will continue to make sure to take care of you while you’re in there. Oh and maybe don’t kick mommy so hard in the nerve…she likes to walk without nearly falling over. Haha.

You, Me, and the Baby Makes 3

You, Me, and the Baby Makes 3

My husband and I have been together since July of 2012. It’s honestly strange to think that I’ve been with someone that long, that I’ve begun to share a life with this person. When you look at us, you honestly would not think we go together. I am very much a type A personality, and my husband is not. I’m loud and outspoken, he’s quiet and reserved. Like I said before I’m chaos, he is order. We’re very opposite on so many things so it makes people wonder what keeps them together? I do not claim to be a marriage expert in any way, shape, or form so I can’t tell you. I will tell you what I’ve learned since I’ve been with my husband.

Just jump. Literally. I am terrified of heights. Like too close to a balcony ledge I’m ready to throw up and cry. A few summers ago my brother in law took the family out to the Colorado River. While we were there my brother in law suggested cliff diving. I followed the boys (my sister couldn’t go due to being pregnant with my nephews) up the cliff and looked down. I honestly thought if I jumped off I would die. It took my husband to take my head, look me in the eye, and tell me we’d jump together…and I did. It was the most terrifying thing I had ever experienced. I totally peed myself on the way down too, it was gross. My husband has also helped me get over my anxiety about needles. My whole life I have been terrified of needles. Like I’ve kicked a doctor (I was like 12), and until I was 18 my dad still came to be my support as I got a shot. The nurse would laugh and give me her judgey judge look and say “You still need your dad here?”. Yeah lady I hate needles so make it quick. So how did I get over my needle issue? The 2nd day of dating my husband and I went to donate blood. He couldn’t I could. From then I would start donating when I could and face that fear and now when my doctor has me go for blood tests I’m not longer terrified. I just go and stay calm.

You can’t have everything. I know that sounds stupid and cliche, but hear me out. When we lived together my husband struggled to keep a job that paid well and gave him enough hours. It was hard, but it meant that he was home about 80% of the time while I worked 5 days a week. In that time there was a lot of taking each other for granted. I remember one night we were both sitting in bed and wouldn’t really talk to each other. Finally I asked what was wrong and he told me how he felt like I did nothing around the house. Initially I was pissed. Who the hell did he think he was, he wasn’t working I was. Then I realized…even if he wasn’t working it was still my responsibility to help take care of things and the most important thing I wasn’t taking care of was my husband. We talked that whole night about things we wanted to change and what we expected. At this point we had only been living together a few months and already had the biggest fight that I think every couple goes through when you move in. I call it the “I’m not your mother/father” fight. You know the one where you’re feeling each other out and you realize your significant other isn’t perfect? Yeah that one. After those two fights I think we really hit our stride as a couple. We learned what was important and most importantly to take time. Now my husband works 50-60 hours a week and goes to school full time. Our time to see each other is limited and yes I would love for him to be here more because I’m needy damn it! but at the same time I know it can’t be that way otherwise we wouldn’t have the things that we do and be able to do things that we like. So even if we don’t see each other every night (we may wake each other up for this) we talk. We also try to go out just the two of us at least one every few months. Our finances our tight so we can’t afford to always do a date night, but when we do it’s always spontaneous and nice. It’s those moments, I think, that helps remind us of why we chose to be together.

In that I’ve learned to be a little more patient…and to be nice. What do I mean be nice? I am not a nice person. I’m not. I admit my default mode is bitch and I can be a bit of a hothead. There is no real reason, but with my husband and I coming from two different worlds sometimes I want to choke him out. I have to remind myself that our cultural differences aren’t something that mesh over night. I have to remind myself to breathe to think about his point of view and to approach the situation calmly. I’m still working on this and it is probably my biggest struggle as a wife, but I will get better. I have to, because if I don’t work to fix these things about myself, what am I saying about how I feel about my relationship and specifically my husband. To me, if I were to not try and work on not being so mean it means I don’t care. It means that I think that I’m better than my husband because I refuse to change. When I apologize to me husband more than I’d like to admit. for being mean he’ll just laugh and say “it’s okay.” Boy I never knew how much apologizing came with a relationship.

I know things will change. I know that when this baby arrives a new kind of fight will make it’s way to the surface, and that’s okay. I am confident that between the two of us and our commitment to our new family and relationship we will make it through. I’m very lucky to have my husband. I’m lucky that he gives me the benefit of the doubt and understands my craziness.