It Means No Worries

It Means No Worries

Baby Ava is 5 (nearly 6) weeks old. I can officially say that this is the hardest thing I’ve ever been through in my life. I’ve finally hit the point where I’ve stopped crying the nights that she doesn’t sleep. I’m slowly learning different things she needs/prefers it’s crazy. It truly makes me wonder what kind of personality she will have. I will say this little girl still brings a smile to my face and makes me glad we decided to start having kids.

We for sure want more kids, but not for another couple of years. I look at Ava and know that she needs a sibling…or 3. Hahaha! The first few weeks with Ava were difficult for Zach and me. We definitely our share of fights and just getting irritated with each other. After talking it out amongst ourselves and seeking advice from parents we moved past it. I know it’s not the end of the fights that come up while raising a child, but I feel much better. 

I will say that I have a whole new level of respect for single parents and parents in general. I can’t imagine how someone raises children on their own, again I will say they are the real heroes of the world. And parents all the heartbreak that comes with having a child. I’m not there yet, but I look back at my childhood and realize I didn’t make things easy for my parents. I’m thankful for their strictness and I hope I’m half the parent my mother is. Well now I’m off to get this baby to bed since she’s a stubborn one. 

Here’s to the Nights We Slept

Here’s to the Nights We Slept

Ava is officially 2 weeks old…and I now see how having a baby can cause strain on a relationship. The lack of sleep alone could cause all kinds of problems. 

It has been a definite struggle keeping up with Ava’s ever changing schedule. Zach and I have had our first fight which was due to lack of sleep and a crying baby. We talked through it though and I think that things are just harder than we anticipated. Zach has been working 12 hour shifts since he started back at work this week which means we don’t really see him. I was also used to the tag team of things in the middle of the night, I can no longer expect that. So we have to compromise. 

Mommy (me) is working to stay on the baby’s schedule. Daddy (Zach) is working to try and work out time to be with us and get adequate sleep. I’m sure someone is asking “what about his days off?” Zach’s job is VERY VERY busy right now which is great for the paycheck, bad for the relationship. 

He often works great 10-20 days straight until he gets a day off. He never says no to the overtime, because we need it (who doesn’t these days?). When it gets too much I do tell him to take a day off, but only when I see that he’s practically a zombie going through the motions. I’m beyond thankful and proud of him because up until this week he was working and going to school full time; at one point he was working 2 jobs and going to school full time. Unfortunately due to some unforeseen circumstances, Zach is no longer going to school. It’s okay though, we roll with the punches and I truly believe everything happens for a reason.

I know it’s tough and Zach does too, but at the end of each day we manage to make it to bed with a smile. Every time the baby cries at night, at first it’s a little overwhelming because we just want to sleep, but the second we see her it all seems to melt away. I don’t know, and more importantly I don’t want to know, how people beat/kill their babies. I don’t understand what happens in their mind that makes them snap. I’m just thankful that it’s not like that with us. For sure we want to have more kids, but not right now. At least that’s how I’m feeling while I’m healing still.

False Alarm

False Alarm

Yesterday I had my first actual scare of this pregnancy. I’ve been very fortunate to not have nausea, spotting, terrible pains, morning sickness, none of the typical movie/book pregnancy symptoms you see or read about. Overall this pregnancy has been easy breezy and has kept me in a constant state of peace. Let’s go back to yesterday.

I noticed some weird bleeding after using the bathroom and I called my doctor. At first I wasn’t worried, my mom said she had had the same kind of thing, but again due to everything being just fantastic I started to worry. What kept me calm was the fact that my baby had been very active yesterday. I called my doctor, and his office assistant answered. I explained to her what was going on. I said “is that normal?” Her repsonse? “No that’s not normal you need to go to the hospital.” My doctor’s office is only open Mon-Thurs, he’s a very very busy OBGYN, but he’s great so I can’t complain. So I called my dad who was at work and he took me to the hospital.

At the hospital I was asked I think 2-3 times, again in front of my father, when was the last time you had sex? Now I’m 25, I live with my parents, I’m pregnant, and my parents are I are pretty damn close. Why is this question so awkward to me? I don’t know. Maybe I just feel uncomfortable with my father knowing when the last time my husband and I had sex in his house. My dad’s response “Drea, you’re pregnant. I know you’re a slut.” Gotta love my dad. I know someone is going to read that and read too much into it, trust me this was all said in jest. It turns out, nothing was wrong. Everything was fine. The baby’s monitor was great, my vitals were all fine. I will tell you my doctor was pissed.

My sister and I have the same doctor. He did one of her surgeries and when she called the office with questions post surgery she was told it was all normal. She went for her post surgery check up…she had an infection. Our doctor was so pissed, he excused himself from her room and went out to yell at the office employees. He said to me “do not seek medical advice from the office staff. You have them call me.” The good news is everything is okay.

We’re 6 and a half months into this pregnancy and I just find myself truly happy every day. I’m glad everything is running smoothly and everything’s normal. Can’t wait to see what other adventures this journey holds!

Dear Daughter

Dear Daughter

Every day I wake up feeling absolutely astounding! Being pregnant has been one of the greatest experiences of my life. I almost don’t have words to describe it. As I’ve said time and time again it’s like falling in love all over again, but different. I guess different because I realize that this person that’s cooking away in my belly is mine & Zach’s responsibility and a product of the love we share between each other. I’ve decided on this beautiful soothing rainy day to let my daughter know a few things. Things I knew and was told growing up and it helped.

  • You are wanted and loved.

Ava, please always know that you are wanted and that we love you. We have wanted you in our lives since we fell in love. You have been loved since the moment I found out I was pregnant. We are beyond excited to bring you into this world and show you everything and we will love you good and bad no matter what.

  • If Dad and I fight, it is NEVER your fault.

Marriage is hard. People fight. It is normal. If you do something wrong and you hear or see Dad and I arguing later, it is not your fault. There is something else that we’re really upset about and it’s never you. You will test our patience and break our hearts, but we will never fight because of you.

  • Be a good person and do the right thing.

If you’re gay, straight, trans, a CEO of a company, fast food worker, ditch digger, teacher, tall, short, fat, skinny, I don’t care. None of that matters to me. Be a good person. That is most important. Everything else doesn’t matter beause being a good person and doing the right thing is never wrong. I don’t care what the world thinks or says about you. You are loved unconditionally by your family especially your father and I. All we want in this life is for you to be happy. Even in my darkest days I knew that I had to be a good person and ALWAYS  do the right thing no matter how much it sucks.

You will learn that people suck some times. That life is hard and people will hurt you. You cannot let them take away the good in you. You are better than that. You cannot let them turn you cold. I know it’ll be hard, trust me I know. Even if it’s a family member who hurts you forgive them, even when they don’t apologize..which will hurt the most, forgiving them is the best thing you can do. Not for them, for yourself…because it is the right thing to do. You have to worry about how you sleep at night, not them.

I can’t wait to meet you little girl. I hope and pray that you’re a happy healthy baby when you arrive. I promise I will continue to make sure to take care of you while you’re in there. Oh and maybe don’t kick mommy so hard in the nerve…she likes to walk without nearly falling over. Haha.

You, Me, and the Baby Makes 3

You, Me, and the Baby Makes 3

My husband and I have been together since July of 2012. It’s honestly strange to think that I’ve been with someone that long, that I’ve begun to share a life with this person. When you look at us, you honestly would not think we go together. I am very much a type A personality, and my husband is not. I’m loud and outspoken, he’s quiet and reserved. Like I said before I’m chaos, he is order. We’re very opposite on so many things so it makes people wonder what keeps them together? I do not claim to be a marriage expert in any way, shape, or form so I can’t tell you. I will tell you what I’ve learned since I’ve been with my husband.

Just jump. Literally. I am terrified of heights. Like too close to a balcony ledge I’m ready to throw up and cry. A few summers ago my brother in law took the family out to the Colorado River. While we were there my brother in law suggested cliff diving. I followed the boys (my sister couldn’t go due to being pregnant with my nephews) up the cliff and looked down. I honestly thought if I jumped off I would die. It took my husband to take my head, look me in the eye, and tell me we’d jump together…and I did. It was the most terrifying thing I had ever experienced. I totally peed myself on the way down too, it was gross. My husband has also helped me get over my anxiety about needles. My whole life I have been terrified of needles. Like I’ve kicked a doctor (I was like 12), and until I was 18 my dad still came to be my support as I got a shot. The nurse would laugh and give me her judgey judge look and say “You still need your dad here?”. Yeah lady I hate needles so make it quick. So how did I get over my needle issue? The 2nd day of dating my husband and I went to donate blood. He couldn’t I could. From then I would start donating when I could and face that fear and now when my doctor has me go for blood tests I’m not longer terrified. I just go and stay calm.

You can’t have everything. I know that sounds stupid and cliche, but hear me out. When we lived together my husband struggled to keep a job that paid well and gave him enough hours. It was hard, but it meant that he was home about 80% of the time while I worked 5 days a week. In that time there was a lot of taking each other for granted. I remember one night we were both sitting in bed and wouldn’t really talk to each other. Finally I asked what was wrong and he told me how he felt like I did nothing around the house. Initially I was pissed. Who the hell did he think he was, he wasn’t working I was. Then I realized…even if he wasn’t working it was still my responsibility to help take care of things and the most important thing I wasn’t taking care of was my husband. We talked that whole night about things we wanted to change and what we expected. At this point we had only been living together a few months and already had the biggest fight that I think every couple goes through when you move in. I call it the “I’m not your mother/father” fight. You know the one where you’re feeling each other out and you realize your significant other isn’t perfect? Yeah that one. After those two fights I think we really hit our stride as a couple. We learned what was important and most importantly to take time. Now my husband works 50-60 hours a week and goes to school full time. Our time to see each other is limited and yes I would love for him to be here more because I’m needy damn it! but at the same time I know it can’t be that way otherwise we wouldn’t have the things that we do and be able to do things that we like. So even if we don’t see each other every night (we may wake each other up for this) we talk. We also try to go out just the two of us at least one every few months. Our finances our tight so we can’t afford to always do a date night, but when we do it’s always spontaneous and nice. It’s those moments, I think, that helps remind us of why we chose to be together.

In that I’ve learned to be a little more patient…and to be nice. What do I mean be nice? I am not a nice person. I’m not. I admit my default mode is bitch and I can be a bit of a hothead. There is no real reason, but with my husband and I coming from two different worlds sometimes I want to choke him out. I have to remind myself that our cultural differences aren’t something that mesh over night. I have to remind myself to breathe to think about his point of view and to approach the situation calmly. I’m still working on this and it is probably my biggest struggle as a wife, but I will get better. I have to, because if I don’t work to fix these things about myself, what am I saying about how I feel about my relationship and specifically my husband. To me, if I were to not try and work on not being so mean it means I don’t care. It means that I think that I’m better than my husband because I refuse to change. When I apologize to me husband more than I’d like to admit. for being mean he’ll just laugh and say “it’s okay.” Boy I never knew how much apologizing came with a relationship.

I know things will change. I know that when this baby arrives a new kind of fight will make it’s way to the surface, and that’s okay. I am confident that between the two of us and our commitment to our new family and relationship we will make it through. I’m very lucky to have my husband. I’m lucky that he gives me the benefit of the doubt and understands my craziness.

What Is This Feeling?

What Is This Feeling?

We’re still over 24 hours away from finding out if we’re having a boy or girl. I’m beyond anxious. I can’t wait to start really shopping for the baby and actually start calling the baby by name. All day yesterday the baby was having fun kicking at a nerve. It was painful but I couldn’t help but laugh. When I say painful, I mean it’s an “ah okay that doesn’t feel good!” not an “OMG MAKE IT STOP!” I also found myself telling the baby “what are you doing?! Stop its not funny!” Of course my father egged the baby on by saying “Yeah kick her!” My mom told me that it’s around that time when I’ll feel the baby moving more and more due to how far along I am. People always ask me what I’m feeling.

Pregnancy Symptoms

Nausea? Morning sickness? Eating for two!

Thank God I didn’t have this. I was afraid because my body is so sensitive to every little thing that I would have morning sickness. The only thing I had was if I ate too much, or didn’t eat enough I would feel sick. If I gorged myself I felt fine…for about 10 minutes then I was in the bathroom literally releasing everything that was in my body. Not pretty, not fun. So I had to learn to figure out if I’m actually hungry or dehydrated. Also, Mexican food that I love…baby doesn’t like so much. So after the first couple of months I learned slower than I should have what to do and what not to do.

Are your emotions all crazy?

I’m already an emotional person. It’s rather pathetic sometimes. Little sweet things make me cry. Hey I’m the 7 year old that cried in Final Fantasy 7 when a character died. I also get angry very quickly. My mom likes to be nice sometimes and call it “passionate” when in reality we know I’m crazy. I’m learning patience and not to yell and freak out all the time…it doesn’t always work. Ask my husband how many times I’ve apologized for being a complete lunatic. Then there’s the random crying at things like Miss Universe. Yeah…I cried when she was crowned. So yeah, that “typical” symptom I got.

What about the acne?

Depends on the day. Some times my skin is clear and nice. Thankfully, I never had any real issues with acne. So breaking out randomly freaks me out and then I have to realize it’s just the changes in my body. Thankfully the acne seems to go away after a week and a half at the latest. I’m very very thankful that it isn’t as bad as it could be. The dry skin in random places is a bit irritating though, but again not as bad as it could be.


Only after my walks. I’m not an exercise kind of person. I never have been, but my doctor, family members, coworkers, and strangers all tell me walking is good for the endurance I’ll need when the baby comes. So I’ve been walking more. I feel like it’s therapy almost, I put on my music and just walk the neighborhood. I find myself going through a plethora of emotions, but at the end I feel good. Plus exposure to the sun will help my pastey skin. I’m really hoping the baby gets the good Filipino genes and isn’t like their father and I. 10 minutes in the sun and we’re burnt somewhere.


Okay as you can see…I’m a lazy person. I mean L-A-Z-Y, but I’ve been working on it. Sitting straight up and falling asleep randomly while drooling profusely all over myself is not cool. I then get to that point where you’re in between conscious and unconscious where you go to move, you tell yourself you’re moving/waking up and then you’re asleep again.

Weight gain and cravings?

Cravings. Fruit and chips. Like seriously can I just have two gigantic bowls. One full of fruits, all kinds I’m not picky. Another full of potato chips and Dean’s french onion dip. And then maybe a smaller bowl of Doritos and sour cream. Okay, I know the Doritos and sour cream sounds gross, but it’s delicious. My own personal favorite fat girl treat.

I have been what I call a fat girl since I was about 12 or 13. I used to be tiny. I mean the skinniest little girl on the planet. Puberty hit and my self consciousness became a real issue so I became fat. I didn’t want to fix it, because honestly I thought that it would only last while I was in high school. Then college I maintained my weight, due to walking literally everywhere. There are no real reasons for my weight issues other than I ignored them. I realize it seems like I went on a tangent, but it’ll come around. Last month my doctor told me that since I am overweight (I don’t discuss the number) that he wanted me on a 2,300 low sugar diet. Oh did I mention that I also have high blood sugar and if I kept up with the way I was eating before pregnancy I would have become diabetic? He let me know that I currently have gestational diabetes. The way he explained it was that it just means I have higher blood sugar than is recommended for the baby and the insulin that my body creates could end up harming the baby if it is too much.

I started using this app called My Fitness Pal Under Armour is the one that created it. I started keeping up with my walking and eating and I found I was already eating around 2,300 calories a day. I kept up with that for about 2 weeks because I realized even though the doctor said 2,300 I didn’t need to stress out over it if I didn’t change my eating habits. The day I found out I was pregnant I started eating better. I cut down on a lot of crap…Taco Bell is like a treat to me now. I used to drink a Mountain Dew every morning and then eat candy through out the day to keep my hyper (sometimes my job gets boring), and I stopped that. Over the course of this pregnancy I have lost about 30 pounds. Yes…lost. I am officially lighter than I was before I was pregnant.

Once I became pregnant I realized it is not about me. It is all about this baby and if I want a healthy baby I am the only person who can ensure that happens. The doctor told me the baby looks good and healthy and it was like music to my ears. I will continue to do this, even after pregnancy. It has really opened my eyes to not be so selfish. I mean, my husband has been teaching my that, but bringing this life into the world is true selflessness to me.

Here Comes My Baby

Here Comes My Baby

Why did I start a mommy blog? Because they’re everywhere. Okay, no really that’s not the only reason. I’ve seen so many blogs with positive and negative advice about pregnancy and motherhood in general, so I thought why not go ahead and do my own. I guess we should start at the beginning.

My husband and I got married last June. One of the greatest days of my life, we’ve been together nearly 5 years now and we always knew we wanted to have kids. We both come from pretty big families overall. He is the 2nd of 4 boys, and I’m the 3rd of 5. Yes 2 middle children, but it’s been an adventure. We are truly chaos and order. Yes, chaos is me. I started going to the doctor to make sure every was okay and that we would not have any crazy challenges. Due to my husband being adopted and my struggles with my weight, naturally I was freaking out. When we got the green light from my doctor that everything was okay I was beyond ecstatic.

Christmas Eve I started feeling weird.Even though I wasn’t late yet I took a pregnancy test. Bam! “Pregnant” came across the screen. I cried. I told my husband, he cried. It was so hard not to tell my parents. I’m really close with my parents, but I wanted to surprise them. That night we told my husband’s family while we celebrated Christmas. They were excited for us, if you know my mother in law, you know there was lots of screaming and excitement. My husband’s family and my youngest brother were the only other people who knew we were pregnant. So Christmas Eve I wrapped up a gift and put in my 2 pregnancy tests inside that said “pregnant” for my parents to unwrap. After they opened the gift they both teared up and congratulated us. It was seriously a great feeling.

I’m currently 5 months along. Yesterday we went to the doctor to find out the gender. My sister is the only one who knows and I’m stuck waiting until Sunday. I’m beyond excited. Boy or girl, I really don’t care, but I will say I have felt from the very beginning that we’re having a girl.

How are you feeling? Amazing. Fantastic. I feel like I’m falling in love all over again. Even though there are some difficulties and challenges I can’t say I feel anything negative. I honestly feel great. I wake up every morning just beyond happy. I’m happy all day…well there are work stresses during the day that make me cranky, but overall I am happy. I look forward to every morning of this pregnancy.