Well guys I made it, and Ava is here.
Last Monday I went to the hospital to be induced. I ended up not giving birth until Tuesday morning. I will say as much as I loved being pregnant I NEVER be induced again!! Oh my God it was ridiculous! Where do I even begin?
Holy fucking shit. Uncomfortable? That doesn’t even begin to describe it. They should have said “hey we’re practically going to fist you and then tell you to relax.” I swear to God the nurses put up to their damn forearm in my vagina. So after finding out I was only 1 cm dilated they had to put this thing in me called cervadil (sp?). “It’s like a tampon it’s going to soften your cervix and help dilate. It stays in for 12 hours and you can’t get up for the first 2 hours.” So they put this thing up my vagina and that is just as painful as them checking my dilation. After 12 hours I was 3 cm dilated which meant it was time for Pitocin which officially brought on contractions. Thank God my husband and mother were with me, because it was just horrible.
Women who give birth without any pain medication are true fucking heroes. I know that the Pitocin brings contractions on stronger than normal, but fuck I couldn’t take it. I went in thinking I’m a badass I can take this birth without any pain killers. 22 hours later I gave in. Now I will say I never felt a 10 on the pain scale, I only got to a 5, but honestly after almost an entire day of feeling contractions on and off I just wanted it to end. I was sick of being in the hospital, sick of every nurse coming in to rearrange my baby monitors (which were so fucking tight it felt like a damn corset), sick of the on and off pain I just wanted my baby. As much as I hate needles and the waiver I had to sign freaked me out, but I did it. Feeling that epidural needle go in, all I could think was “this is what a puppet feels like.” After that I couldn’t take the pain. My family was with me and they were like “you don’t have to prove anything to anyone. 22 hours is a long time”.
So now that I had the epidural I was able to sleep. I knew it meant I wouldn’t feel pain I didn’t realize that I’d have my left leg completely numb to where I couldn’t even move it. It was honestly scary. I honestly thought for a minute that I was paralyzed and that I wouldn’t gain feeling in my leg, I did after giving birth, but still. So I’ve been just laying in bed and it turns out I was only 7cm dilated. This new nurse came in and started moving me in different positions and about an hour later I say to my mom “Mom, I feel like I have to push.” She goes “DON’T PUSH!” And gets the nurse. I ended up pushing for an hour and a half, but it didn’t seem like it. Feeling my baby come out was a crazy feeling, what felt even better was the afterbirth coming out: I literally said “holy shit that feels good!” After it came out and all the nurses laughed.
There are no words. Even now thinking back on when I first saw her I can’t think of the words to describe how I felt. I looked at my husband, he cried and kissed my forehead I cried harder. When they handed her to me I cried harder. She was truly the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I said to my husband “we made that”. And it was like my entire world changed. Suddenly so many worries and fears slipped away. I couldn’t stop crying, it was the only thing I could do that helped explain how I felt. We did have a few bumps in the road to get her home, I’m not going to go through that. I may have fought with a couple of nurses because of it.
Now, we’re home and my entire life has just changed. I am so thankful for my husband. He truly did everything for me and seeing him with our child brings my heart a joy I can’t explain. I think she has caused me to fall in love with him even more, honestly I didn’t think it was possible. It’s been 9 days since I’ve given birth and I feel like I’m functioning at 98%. Trying to work around this infant’s schedule is truly a learning curve, but when I wake up in the middle of the night after only sleeping for 30 minutes she just brings a smile to my face.