Here’s to the Nights We Slept

Here’s to the Nights We Slept

Ava is officially 2 weeks old…and I now see how having a baby can cause strain on a relationship. The lack of sleep alone could cause all kinds of problems. 

It has been a definite struggle keeping up with Ava’s ever changing schedule. Zach and I have had our first fight which was due to lack of sleep and a crying baby. We talked through it though and I think that things are just harder than we anticipated. Zach has been working 12 hour shifts since he started back at work this week which means we don’t really see him. I was also used to the tag team of things in the middle of the night, I can no longer expect that. So we have to compromise. 

Mommy (me) is working to stay on the baby’s schedule. Daddy (Zach) is working to try and work out time to be with us and get adequate sleep. I’m sure someone is asking “what about his days off?” Zach’s job is VERY VERY busy right now which is great for the paycheck, bad for the relationship. 

He often works great 10-20 days straight until he gets a day off. He never says no to the overtime, because we need it (who doesn’t these days?). When it gets too much I do tell him to take a day off, but only when I see that he’s practically a zombie going through the motions. I’m beyond thankful and proud of him because up until this week he was working and going to school full time; at one point he was working 2 jobs and going to school full time. Unfortunately due to some unforeseen circumstances, Zach is no longer going to school. It’s okay though, we roll with the punches and I truly believe everything happens for a reason.

I know it’s tough and Zach does too, but at the end of each day we manage to make it to bed with a smile. Every time the baby cries at night, at first it’s a little overwhelming because we just want to sleep, but the second we see her it all seems to melt away. I don’t know, and more importantly I don’t want to know, how people beat/kill their babies. I don’t understand what happens in their mind that makes them snap. I’m just thankful that it’s not like that with us. For sure we want to have more kids, but not right now. At least that’s how I’m feeling while I’m healing still.

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It’s Been One Week Since You Were Born

It’s Been One Week Since You Were Born

Well guys I made it, and Ava is here.

Last Monday I went to the hospital to be induced. I ended up not giving birth until Tuesday morning. I will say as much as I loved being pregnant I NEVER be induced again!! Oh my God it was ridiculous! Where do I even begin?

Checking dilation.

Holy fucking shit. Uncomfortable? That doesn’t even begin to describe it. They should have said “hey we’re practically going to fist you and then tell you to relax.” I swear to God the nurses put up to their damn forearm in my vagina. So after finding out I was only 1 cm dilated they had to put this thing in me called cervadil (sp?). “It’s like a tampon it’s going to soften your cervix and help dilate. It stays in for 12 hours and you can’t get up for the first 2 hours.” So they put this thing up my vagina and that is just as painful as them checking my dilation. After 12 hours I was 3 cm dilated which meant it was time for Pitocin which officially brought on contractions. Thank God my husband and mother were with me, because it was just horrible.

Labor Pains

Women who give birth without any pain medication are true fucking heroes. I know that the Pitocin brings contractions on stronger than normal, but fuck I couldn’t take it. I went in thinking I’m a badass I can take this birth without any pain killers. 22 hours later I gave in. Now I will say I never felt a 10 on the pain scale, I only got to a 5, but honestly after almost an entire day of feeling contractions on and off I just wanted it to end. I was sick of being in the hospital, sick of every nurse coming in to rearrange my baby monitors (which were so fucking tight it felt like a damn corset), sick of the on and off pain I just wanted my baby.  As much as I hate needles and the waiver I had to sign freaked me out, but I did it. Feeling that epidural needle go in, all I could think was “this is what a puppet feels like.” After that I couldn’t take the pain. My family was with me and they were like “you don’t have to prove anything to anyone. 22 hours is a long time”.

Giving Birth

So now that I had the epidural I was able to sleep. I knew it meant I wouldn’t feel pain I didn’t realize that I’d have my left leg completely numb to where I couldn’t even move it. It was honestly scary. I honestly thought for a minute that I was paralyzed and that I wouldn’t gain feeling in my leg, I did after giving birth, but still. So I’ve been just laying in bed and it turns out I was only 7cm dilated. This new nurse came in and started moving me in different positions and about an hour later I say to my mom “Mom, I feel like I have to push.” She goes “DON’T PUSH!” And gets the nurse. I ended up pushing for an hour and a half, but it didn’t seem like it. Feeling my baby come out was a crazy feeling, what felt even better was the afterbirth coming out: I literally said “holy shit that feels good!” After it came out and all the nurses laughed.

My Baby

There are no words. Even now thinking back on when I first saw her I can’t think of the words to describe how I felt. I looked at my husband, he cried and kissed my forehead I cried harder. When they handed her to me I cried harder. She was truly the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I said to my husband “we made that”. And it was like my entire world changed. Suddenly so many worries and fears slipped away. I couldn’t stop crying, it was the only thing I could do that helped explain how I felt. We did have a few bumps in the road to get her home, I’m not going to go through that. I may have fought with a couple of nurses because of it.

Now, we’re home and my entire life has just changed. I am so thankful for my husband. He truly did everything for me and seeing him with our child brings my heart a joy I can’t explain. I think she has caused me to fall in love with him even more, honestly I didn’t think it was possible. It’s been 9 days since I’ve given birth and I feel like I’m functioning at 98%. Trying to work around this infant’s schedule is truly a learning curve, but when I wake up in the middle of the night after only sleeping for 30 minutes she just brings a smile to my face.